Dear California,

I doubt our relationship is going to last very long.
Yes, I was born and raised here, and pretty much lived all over southern California. However I am just an old soul, and you and I are like oil and water.
I've never felt like I belong in this state, I am far from a beach girl, I grew up in poverty, too fat to be popular, and too friendly to be here.
Even to this day, if I walk into a bar in the Newport/Mesa area, everyone stares at me. Like I am something they've never seen. I only go out when I am done up, so one night i really couldn't figure out why? I looked around and realized I was the only girl with black hair, much less being thick and having a dark lip.
Don't even try making friendly conversation with someone you don't know. They'll either think you are hitting on them, or just crazy.

Also I do not smoke, anything!!!! I am blue in the face with everyone's obsession with marijuana here. Get.the.fuck.over.it.people. God created better things.

I will never afford a home here, and I am clearly not what a rich man wants in this state, so I have to think about my own future. I make decent money, and it somehow evaporates. The taxes for a single person are insane. I am so sick of living in random rooms, ghettos, and places. I want to work and afford a decent apartment, that is clean and safe. I think I deserve this.

Years ago when I first went to Boston, I fell in love. I knew California wasn't for me. If I could afford B-town, id be there. I've been to Boston 3 times, NYC once, and Washington.

I am so over the demanding people here, they speak to you like you owe them something and as of yesterday at that. Since I work on the phone all day, some of these people just make me sick. The only time I've heard a "yes mam/thank you mam" is on a Texas call. Imagine that.
I've never been to Texas, and  I am at a point where I don't even care.
If I had a choice, I would move to Austin. In order to transfer my job, I have to go to Irving, Texas. It is outside of Dallas. There are tons of job, and nice affordable housing. Its very hard to find a job from another state, unless you have some special skills.

Leaving my Grandparents was something I could never even imagine. Since losing my Grandma, I feel more alone than ever. I need some major life changes to occur to get my joy back. I heard her voice when she died, just saying "go Nicole, go, you are free now"...
I don't know anyone, and I will miss my Grandpa deeply, but something has got to give.

My current plan is to see what it takes to transfer, and if i can, and go from there.