Monday, May 25, 2015

Waco... Huuuhhh?

4am still up- already had my energy surge and cooked, cleaned.. Now i cant stop chewing on ice... And yes i know im severely anemic and very anxious. Wondering what life will be like in small town Waco... Very nervous.... Excited for small town nice people... Trying to get my fasfa processed so i can go to school. Lord, i do not know what you have planned for me, but please lead me to your plan and give me clarity to see it. In Jesus name youll get me through this long valley Amen! 👍🏻😇🙇👼

Monday, May 18, 2015

Its all about you, Jesus

Sometimes, I wish this blog was private, then I could be totally transparent. Then no one would read it. Although I dont know what anyone reads it because they actually care about my life.

So much is happening lately, most probably would not even believe so much could go on with one person at once.

I am listening to worship music, praying for a week of chaos i must face. I often wonder: mentally how much can one person take all on their own?
 The Lord has to have a plan for me, because the devil is on overtime. Attacking me in every possibly direction. In my head I know that means, I have something special to offer, otherwise I would have died a long time ago. The devil doesnt attack those that are not special and unique to Jesus. He already ownes those indaviduals. I know God has purpose for my life, there are some very intelligent people that tell me how much I have to offer and how smart I am. I am just ready to put that into motion. I want to serve the Lord and walk out his plan. I just feel so lost, I feel like every choice I make is a dumb one. My anxiety is so high, that means I am not trusting the Lord, but I do not mean that to be the case.
Everyone always says how strong and brave I am, but its just not in my heart.....
I guess I am up, feeling really anxious and sad. Missing my Grandparents like always and just want to ramble.

I will be stuck in Tx longer than i wanted, and I really want to go to school in the fall , so this week I plan to get three years of taxes done, so I can do the fasfa and go to CC in the fall, and then transfer to Austin CC.

That is the tentative plan. My life is so hectic, I cant make many plans, which also fuels my anxiety. I have too much to offer this world, a strong testimony and a true will to help others and that is what i need to do.

I am going to read my bible and attempt sleep. xxx God Bless.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

My living situation

So let me brief you; I moved to Texas making about 45k and living in the addison circle. Paying 1200 a month for a one bedroom for a very nice, safe community.
Due to my health, I lost my job, and lost everything.
I now live in THE worst area of Dallas, S Dallas. In fact when the owner lived here people did break in while her kids were there. so honestly, you really should be paying nothing to live here, I cant walk my dogs or drive around, being the only white girl, people are very racist here.

So she messaged me on IG from couponing and told me she had a room to rent. Everyone told me not to of ALL nationalities. that it was dangerous and not safe for me to be here, but I had to do what I had to do.

When i got here, this place was disgusting, my bathroom and bathtub were black, the doors were black. For literally a week me and a friend came here, and scrubbed the heck out of this house. We worked our asses off. She offered to allow me to stay a couple months for free but I did not, I paid her.

I got rid of a living room full of her old trash, several people prior to me have come and gone and left food, trash, dishes and messes, and i cleaned it all I filled up two trash cans. i washed all the covers on the couch. the kitchen was full of old dishes with FOOD still on them , um disgusting?
 I cleaned it ALL! (unpaid) We were infested with rats, to where their feces were on the kitchen table, and out of 4 people I am the ONLY one that cleans it up and did what i could, in fact i asked the owner to please come over so we could clean the front and back yard. I worked my ass off, I was in dire pain, we had so much trash and debree it filled about 20 black trash bags (no pay) I do these things out of the goodness of my heart and I honor the Lord. No white girl in their right mind would live here but I just pray nightly for protection, through the gunshots and all. I have bought and planted peppermint to try and deter future rats, I have bought and used all my cleaners, I have cleaned, mopped the living room and kitchen none stop. never a thank you from anyone.
Also my room is the only one downstairs with my bathroom, the guy up stairs has a bathroom right next to him. so she showers there, but uses mine to use the restroom, yet showers upstairs. Why is that allowed?
He will not put the toilet down, or clean after is hair or piss, doesnt clean the bathroom all just to drive me nuts.

lately he has antagonized me in full force. he slams the toilet seats up at 6am, as my room is right across. My room is this make shift room some tweaker built , so i can hear everything above me including when people above me do "things".

I am truly the only one who cares about this home, because thats how i was raised, I have spent money buying lightbulbs and other things, I dont even think our smoke alarms work, nice huh? People that could care less and just want a pay check disgust me.
I even when to the owners home on Christmas, gave a gift, have been very nice to her children.

Recently our garbage disposal broke. I asked for a month to please fix it. I put a note saying " please do not let food get down there. did they listen ? NO there was so much food sitting there, that our house is infested with gnats. I have cleaned everything, put apple cider vinegar, everything. It doesnt matter, they are multiplying each time they land. It is disgusting to even cook. I have really never seen anything like this, they are even in my bathroom!!!!!

A young hispanic couple moved in and i have been nothing but nice to them, I made room for them in the kitchen,  showed them around... was that my job? ( no thank you )
I have taken her to church, given her things, been so so so sweet. Yet the owner lied and said he said he didnt like me. NO what he said is he didnt like the Drama with me and carlos.

So Carlos, a family friend of the owner, a very akward 30 year old single male, who happens to be very nasty, 6 months and I have never seen him wash his bedding. He doesnt believe in cleaning or mopping.

Now i stay in my room about  90% of the time, we have no tv and the other 10% I am cleaning weather my mess or not.
So Carlos I did befriend, before knowing he is a two faced, lying , backstabber. As if his drunk ass has any room to talk.
so daily he would show me pictures of half naked woman on his phone, i asked him to stop, and he wouldnt... and it was daily, I got sick of it. What makes you think i want to see women with fake boobs daily? Also he wanted to add my on FB and I said no, I was nice, I just said I dont trust you with my business, so id rather not.
Well because of this, he got all mad at me, will not talk, and took the wifi away from me, and even crumbled my money in a ball and threw it at my door. um are we 2 years old? now I am the second person he has done this to. Probably a sign he should not be in charge of the internet.  Be professional you dont have to like your roommates, but keep business what it is.
Now i have not run to the owner to tell her all the little things they do because she will just say oh well just move. she truly does not care about her home in any way shape or form. I have never seen anything like this. In fact when Carlos was putting on a show and i was his friend, he was going to move out. yet stupid me talked him into staying. huge mistake. Now she wants to blame me that he wants to move. she blames me for everything.
Then there is this nasty ass gay man that lives here, I have literally seen him twice, and you know why he doesnt like me? because i caught him stealing my sodas, that he never replaced. The funny thing is she told me he has no car and cant get here, but now she wants to blame me for him not being here. Ironic, my gay friends have told me everyone hates him, he is disgusting, he goes out alone, and is nasty wearing the same clothes daily. and Carlos has one friend the owners brother. yet you want to blame me? what a joke, i should be beyond appreciated. however, if someone doesnt care about their home, they arent gonna care if you take care of.

so today she has gone off on my for whatever reason, and when ive called her out on her lies she says " stop texing me " your harassing me"  I have not threatened her or hurt her, how is texting your landlord harassment? oh because she doesnt want to deal with anything regarding this house, she doesnt want to be bothered.
the biggest kicker, is she is supposedly a true JW, could have fooled me, she has not handled renting her home in a Godly form in any way,

I can only handle so much before i go off, I am antagonized daily, no joke by carlos, what the heck do expect????
Bye the way the gay man got in a huge fight with Carlos, and killed his cat, and countless people have lived here before me. Yet you want to blame me? lol joke!

maybe if she was more professional, clean, and set some house rules she would attract clean, normal people as myself.
OH and then she wants tobring up my insomnia in it to put me down, this is a 40 years Jehovah Witness yet others  get drunk beyond belief and leave their cans in the driveway. You really have some nerve. Its ok, God knows every single detail. Thank you Jesus. Amen