Sometimes, I wish this blog was private, then I could be totally transparent. Then no one would read it. Although I dont know what anyone reads it because they actually care about my life.
So much is happening lately, most probably would not even believe so much could go on with one person at once.
I am listening to worship music, praying for a week of chaos i must face. I often wonder: mentally how much can one person take all on their own?
The Lord has to have a plan for me, because the devil is on overtime. Attacking me in every possibly direction. In my head I know that means, I have something special to offer, otherwise I would have died a long time ago. The devil doesnt attack those that are not special and unique to Jesus. He already ownes those indaviduals. I know God has purpose for my life, there are some very intelligent people that tell me how much I have to offer and how smart I am. I am just ready to put that into motion. I want to serve the Lord and walk out his plan. I just feel so lost, I feel like every choice I make is a dumb one. My anxiety is so high, that means I am not trusting the Lord, but I do not mean that to be the case.
Everyone always says how strong and brave I am, but its just not in my heart.....
I guess I am up, feeling really anxious and sad. Missing my Grandparents like always and just want to ramble.
I will be stuck in Tx longer than i wanted, and I really want to go to school in the fall , so this week I plan to get three years of taxes done, so I can do the fasfa and go to CC in the fall, and then transfer to Austin CC.
That is the tentative plan. My life is so hectic, I cant make many plans, which also fuels my anxiety. I have too much to offer this world, a strong testimony and a true will to help others and that is what i need to do.
I am going to read my bible and attempt sleep. xxx God Bless.