Sunday, October 25, 2015

Live your life queen







Ah, Queen Adele. You are back, and I am sure with a vengeance. With age I realize more and more, music defines my soul, so much more than tv or movies. Also the more people i meet the more I realize this. Is music just dying with young people? I was lucky my Mother and Grandparents loved music. I just saw Straight out of Compton, and found myself moving and singing in the theatre, and the only white girl! I find this insane, there is so much music out there, so many genres we all need to appreciate. Not only do I want to go buy some NWA music, I also cannot wait for Adele to release her album! 
Music, lyrics, are my soul. 







Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

It's no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

So hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, ooooohh
Anymore, anymore

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart
Anymore



https://youtu.be/YQHsXMglC9A

Sunday, October 18, 2015

better days

All week I was in a very anxious depressed state, crying literally every day at work uncontrollably. It was so frustrating. I can't say I don't know why, of course I do. My phone is off, I have no car insurance, which means at work I cannot make more money by transporting clients and leaving the building. So I am forced to ask people, whom most are mean girls. I am the minority, lets put it that way.
I have NO money, yeah most say thats life, things will get better , but it doesn't ever seem to get better. Money is a big trigger for me I grew up with really no parents that provided or worked hard, no father, and broke. So yes, we all need money but it severely triggers my frame of mind and my depression.
I am making what i was making in HS to do what should be a $20 hour job, its draining mentally, and I don't feel appreciated by a long time friend who knows my conditions.

I still have not got approved for medical so have no clue when i can get a DR here,  and I just don't know how much more I can take.

Its not worth talking about so I just type, everyone has problems right, get over it nicole, this too shall pass, its all bullshit to me. people have different diseases that are out of their control, and I wish more would understand that,

My mother just ignores me, its funny I have worked my entire life and she did nothing. She always told me, if she had money she would do anything for me, talk about a bold face lie.  You think she could at least give me half or even a quarter of my ssi money she took my entire life, but no. I don't even  have a bed, yet I am supposed to believe you love me? Oh because my problems and depression stress you out? what do you think you've done to me since  a child? how pathetic. 
I left texas with nothing to get out of a very abusive relationship, if you'd like the police reports please let me know.

I " thought" i was seeing someone, and of course I cannot count on this individual either. I am there when  needed but when i need support, I just get ignored.... SO yes, i just figured out my severe flair up, there are days i can't even move, i can't call anyone and i get a guilt trip from work, when I am in dire pain.... I really don't know the point anymore.


There is some good news i got a part time job at bath and body works, I am super excited.....maybe now i can survive!!!!!