Sunday, October 18, 2015

better days

All week I was in a very anxious depressed state, crying literally every day at work uncontrollably. It was so frustrating. I can't say I don't know why, of course I do. My phone is off, I have no car insurance, which means at work I cannot make more money by transporting clients and leaving the building. So I am forced to ask people, whom most are mean girls. I am the minority, lets put it that way.
I have NO money, yeah most say thats life, things will get better , but it doesn't ever seem to get better. Money is a big trigger for me I grew up with really no parents that provided or worked hard, no father, and broke. So yes, we all need money but it severely triggers my frame of mind and my depression.
I am making what i was making in HS to do what should be a $20 hour job, its draining mentally, and I don't feel appreciated by a long time friend who knows my conditions.

I still have not got approved for medical so have no clue when i can get a DR here,  and I just don't know how much more I can take.

Its not worth talking about so I just type, everyone has problems right, get over it nicole, this too shall pass, its all bullshit to me. people have different diseases that are out of their control, and I wish more would understand that,

My mother just ignores me, its funny I have worked my entire life and she did nothing. She always told me, if she had money she would do anything for me, talk about a bold face lie.  You think she could at least give me half or even a quarter of my ssi money she took my entire life, but no. I don't even  have a bed, yet I am supposed to believe you love me? Oh because my problems and depression stress you out? what do you think you've done to me since  a child? how pathetic. 
I left texas with nothing to get out of a very abusive relationship, if you'd like the police reports please let me know.

I " thought" i was seeing someone, and of course I cannot count on this individual either. I am there when  needed but when i need support, I just get ignored.... SO yes, i just figured out my severe flair up, there are days i can't even move, i can't call anyone and i get a guilt trip from work, when I am in dire pain.... I really don't know the point anymore.

There is some good news i got a part time job at bath and body works, I am super excited.....maybe now i can survive!!!!!

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