work it, girl.

Big girls like the pole too

I just had the hardest work out class of my life. Of course, I am not in shape, but still! I've had my share of work outs, I used to be pretty hardcore at the gym, and with weights. My arms hurt so bad, I can't even pull up my underwear. My friend Jessica and I took a pole dancing class, at romance & dance in Carson, Ca. Its an hour class, the first half is not on the pole, its different stretches and positions. About a million times harder then intense yoga. I was thinking when you swing yourself on a pole, you are essentially attempting to lift your body weight, yikes! No way I could do that at the gym. My legs are in really good shape, I walk hard, fast, and a lot. I would like my thighs to be toned, but they don't hurt right now. I would really recommend this work out, its super fun!!! They play good music, and its a good way to switch up your routine if you already work out. Its $20 a class

Barbie art!!!

I love Barbie!! How can you not? I played with Barbie forever! I will totally admit that. So, for me, this art is drool-worthy. One day some of them will grace my apartment walls.

My experience with bullies

Who would have thought being bullied as an adult would surpass childhood bullying by a long shot. Certainly not me. Between my upbringing and harassment at school, I thought I did my time. Turns out I was wrong. Apparently if your survive all that, still function in today’s world, AND like yourself, well you are a walking bulls eye.

One day in high school, I came out to my car with the word HOG written all over it in paint. Done by my crush’s brother no less. That was painful. In junior high, stickers that said jaba the hut, and every other analogy for fat were made with a label maker and put on my backpack. On top of being fat I had buck teeth until the braces came in junior high ( thank you medical). It doesn’t stop there, in high school the cystic acne kicked in full blast. I’ve even done two rounds of accutane and still suffer from this. When appearance is imperative I had almost zero clothes. I looked horrible in junior high, I had a single mom who refused to work, and there were no plus size clothes options. I remember sitting in a cold bath in the morning, while everyone else was asleep, wondering what I would wear that day. I would baby-sit all the time, from about 5th grade until I could get a real job. With that money I would buy some clothes, but it was a nightmare. I had no one to teach me how to do hair or makeup, I really didn’t even start to do my hair till late high school. We moved all the time, so I never had that one loyal friend I could turn and cry to. I had no one to go home and cry to, and I far from had the mom that was going to march in the principals office and demand any harassment to stop. The bottom line I was bullied to an extreme, I am sure it contributed to my withdrawn attitude. However I feel like my home life was so much worse, that other kids comments didn’t affect me as much as they could have.

I wish I could tell you the same about the comments that surround my adult life. I never saw this coming. The feeling that people hate me, for simply being myself. I like who I am, the woman I know I am. Would I change a few things? Of course. It hurts, badly to know you’ve never done a mean or malicious thing to someone, but they find some way to dislike you and make rude comments. I can barely go out to a bar, It happens at work all the time, it happens with the females in my family. It feels like drowning at times. I’ve never been competitive with women, I can go out and befriend women that are way prettier, successful, nicer then me, with no problem. Maybe because I grew up around skinny women? Maybe because there was never a male figure in my life to look up, therefore I have no problem putting friends before a piece of ass.

How could Nicole, with the imperfect body, face, bank account, love life, childhood, ect walk with her head high?!?! People can’t stand it, that’s the only answer anymore. My therapist has confirmed the fact that my spirit and enthusiasm is a blessing and a curse. “people will always know you are there, and they will always have something to say”.-Dr. Walton.

In 2008 I was jumped at the bbw bar, I’ve been a regular at for about 9 years. Never met the girl in my life, didn’t do anything to her, didn’t flirt with her boyfriend, nothing. She simply started to push my friend and I, then a buzzed Nicole was blindsided in the bathroom. A couple weeks ago, I brought a skinny, pretty friend with me. She said “ Nicole, no wonder these girls hate you, you are prettier then any girl in here!!!!”. While that made me feel good, its still frustrating, I said yes but im nice to them!!!!!

At work I’ve heard it all. You are ugly, what did you do to your hair?, why are you wearing that, what’s with your nails, when is your baby due, maybe you should lose weight, your knee would get better, you really shouldn’t eat that piece of cake. Honestly I could probably keep going. How fun is that 40 hours a week? I pull into work, wondering what will be said next, or what will I do wrong.

The women I am related too, wow. Talk about a group of women with a ton of hate and resentment toward me. This is most interesting to me, because I didn’t grow up around them and have never had a deep conversation with my female cousins. They were all brainwashed by their parents, which is fine. I’ve tried several times, to be apart of their clique, to establish relationships with them, so when I leave this earth I know I did my part.

So if you were bullied, or currently are, I feel your pain. Truly and deeply. I wish I was at a place to tell you it will stop and you will rise above it, but I am not. I believe I will, but it will do some damage in the mean time, and its something else I deal with in therapy. I hope and pray one day, women will love and support each other, in a whole new way, in my lifetime.

Snap.Crackle.Pop

This polish is really amazing, just as the ads show! I had been putting off purchasing, either because Ulta was always sold out or I was being cheap lol. I finally bought a bottle of the China glaze crackle in pink. I wanted red, because that would have been awesome over black. Its a fabulous look you can do on your own, and a bottle of china glaze or opi runs about $8. Thats less then a manicure! I know sally hansen has a line, it may be less. You can find that at any local store. Also, if you shop at Ulta, use a $5 off a $10 purchase coupon, and then you have a super deal. Yay for fun nails!!! Show me pictures if you have any fun nails.

yes, i like pin up girls

Most of you know I would describe myself as an old soul. I often say I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe this contributes to why I have always really liked the pinup, retro, and vintage look. Also being a thick girl was a little more acceptable in a different time too! I never really perused it as a style or way of life, because I am not one to stick to solely one look. My style is evolving and ever changing, and I do what I like weather its in or not. Also it became very trendy, so I just continued to do my own thing. Well a lot has changed in me lately, one being a new found comfort in my body. I wont say happiness, because that would mean weighing about 60 pounds less then i do. However, I just feel differently about things. One thing I would really like to do is some pinup modeling. I know I have the look with the help of hair and makeup. It would be for fun really, not with the hopes of anyone hiring me. So one of my many goals currently going through my mind, is to get a photo shoot done. Once I get the funds, I'll make it happen. I've been practicing with my hair a lot, its so fun!!! My lack of eyelids don't permit the black liquid eyeliner {help}!!!

I was a pinup zombie for Halloween in 2009, btw!

So ladies follow your dreams, one baby step at a time, you'll get there!

If you ever walk a dog read!!!

So you may know, I have 3 small dogs , aka my babies!! You have to say babies in a high pitched excited voice though! Anyway I live in an apartment, so I walk and pick up after my dogs, a lot! We know doggy bags can be $$$ So with everyone around me having babies I stumbled across something exactly the same as dog bags, but better, and a little cheaper. They are disposable bags for diapers, but come in a similar plastic container made to go on a diaper bag. They actually stay on the thicker part of the leash way better then any of the ones meant for dogs. The bags are also bigger, and scented, this really helps on a long walk!! I get them at wal-mart, but you can find them anywhere!

http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Hammer-Diaper-Dispenser-Colors/dp/B001QKDI48

A commoner marries royalty!

I just watched the wedding online, and it just gave me chills. Obviously Catherine is beautiful and looked lovely. I think it really fascinated me that the Brits just love them! In the streets waving the flags, just to get a glimpse of their future queen. Such loyalty. I mean would Americans ever do the same for a wedding?

For following in Diana's footsteps, I do think she could have "blinged" it up a notch, but I am glad she was herself. I loved her dress, I love the fitted lace ivory sleeve. So regal and vintage. I would love to rock a similar dress one day. British women seem to have such class, really so feminine , can we bring that to the US!?!?! Especially the hats!!!! I adore hats, I prefer huge hats!!! It would make me happy to have this be a staple in our country. Victoria Beckham's hat was fantastic, hands down they are the most attractive couple I've ever seen!!

Congratulations to the fabulous newlyweds